Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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