Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
