I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
