I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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