i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
