the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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