I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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