I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
