I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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