she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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