I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
