I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
