I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
