hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
