We won't sleep together?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
