saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
