She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
