if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
