to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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