yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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