there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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