Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize