She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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