I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
