I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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