In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
