According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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