Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
