SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
