He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i think my cat just said my name.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
