how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
