Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love black thongs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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