Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
