is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
