No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
