note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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