why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
