Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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