I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
