The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
