I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
