dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
