I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
