My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
