I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
