Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
