quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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