Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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