What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
