we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
