I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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