I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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