Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize