i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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