Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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