Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
