Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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