That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
