WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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