my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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