I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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