I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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