I cockslap morals
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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