I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
