This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
