I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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