Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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