dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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