I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
