this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
