I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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