I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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