You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
