she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
