It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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