checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
