We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
