May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
