I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
