Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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