Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
