yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
