I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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