so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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