Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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